As I've come to know more stories of people who have decided to adopt from the foster care system, it seems that many had a particular child that took them from "thinking about it" to "yep, we're gonna do this". For us that child was 'Z'. I've never met Z. I've never seen him in real life. But he helped alter our family's life course in ways he will never know.
Z was the face I saw on an Oregon Heart Gallery site the night I waited for JD to come home and told him through ugly sobs that this was the way we were supposed to start our family. Maybe it's that he looks LOTS like my nephew Carson whom I adore or maybe a million other reasons but THIS child caught my heart.
It became instantly clear that God's plan was for me to FIRST be a mom to a child who grew from my heart before I was a mom to one who grew in my belly.
The next day we called DHR (and lifeline, and the children's aid society, and alabama baptist children's home, etc) and set things in motion. We were willing to pay the money for a private company to do our homestudy because it would be faster but we were told by these places that if what we desired was an older child from the foster care system then we should go through DHR. We really appreciated the honesty.
So we started the S-L-O-W homestudy process though DHR. I was in semi-regular contact with Oregon (didn't want to drive them crazy but wanted to express our interest) and tried to rush things along so that we could be considered for Z's adoption. We set up a bedroom geared toward a child his age always keeping him in mind.
Months went by. I checked the Lane County site HUNDREDS of times. As time past, I knew we wouldn't be through in time and I began to think in the mind set of 'as long as he finds a good home it will be okay...even if it isn't ours'. That was hard.
And in fact the day came when his picture wasn't up anymore. It hurt but I really was happy for him. Happy that his forever had started.
A short time later we were done and shorter still the girls came home to us and God's perfect plan was revealed. Feeling that Z was home and the girls were home I felt completely peaceful about things. I clearly saw that things happen the way they are supposed to.
Several months after the girls came to us I started checking out the heart gallery sites again (after all, I had grown to know all these kid's faces and names and wanted to catch up on who had found forever families and who was still waiting). I opened up the Lane County site and there he was. Little boy Z. His precious face smiling back at me.
My heart sank to my stomach because I knew this meant his placement had fallen through and once again he was searching for his forever family. ANGER and DISAPPOINTMENT for this kid! Is it even necessary to go into my feelings about promising an already broken child forever and then turning your back on them? GRRRR in the loudest voice possible. But judge not, right?
Anyway, I emailed Z's SW immediately and the awful truth was confirmed. He was available and his placement had fallen through. We were no longer a consideration because we had two young children in our home. Z needs to be an only or youngest child. That's why his placements (yes that is plural) had fallen through before. I will not break confidentiality for this child as he is easily found but I will say: He didn't do anything terrible. He just needs lots of attention; attention that isn't split between multiple other young kids. Believe me when I say that. His SW told me, "We want to place him in a home were nothing (younger kids) will chance whether or not he gets to have forever."
Understood.
My heart breaks for him. Still.
I know it sounds crazy but occasionally I'll see a big boy that reminds me of him. Or I'll see big kids around his age and wonder if he's doing the same things they are. Again, crazy I know but love doesn't just go away.
He's such a special kid. To me. Maybe he was placed in my life to open a door. But where is my place in his life?
That question may always be.
Lastly (and if you are still reading...WOW...), one of the pivotal things that was said to me during our home study process was said by Z's social worker (who is also an adoptive parent). After about our third or so phone conversation she told me, "If adoption is for you then it won't be about one child."
In the moment, I'll admit I was a bit taken aback. What did she mean by that? But now, as I've loved Z and as I love these girls and as I know that we will love many more in our lifetime...I know that it isn't about one particular child.
It's nothing I can say but rather something I've "gotten" over the last eight months.
It's about a need. It's about a call to answer that need.
It's about a love for orphans no matter who they are or where they've been.
It's about being a parent, just like anyone else, and loving your kid(s) regardless.
3 comments:
Jessica, that is just a special post. I really do appreciate you sharing that. As we move towards adoption, I am finding that it isn't ever about us or what we want (particularly). It's solely about bringing a child into the kingdom of God. A child who might not ever hear the gospel. Or see it. Or be saved.
Right now, I wonder if I have the courage to answer the call (in all honestly). Sometimes I don't think I do. I need God to help me, and I know He will. He always does.
What a beautiful story you guys have!
Jessica, I wish I could really "know" you. You get it. That story is our story except we fell in love with a little girl. She is still listed and has had failed placements but I have been told they have a home for her. I still pray for her daily. My comfort is in knowing God has a plan for her too and she is in His loving arms. Thank you for sharing.
All we can both do it trust that God had a plan all along and is working that plan out in His will and His time. I really thought I knew His plan but my how wrong I was. But at least I knew enough of it that I did step out in faith and He is able to use us in the lives of foster children. I do believe we will adopt one day but I am no longer convinced that it will be straight adoption of a waiting child. It's weird because that is where my heart has always seemed to be but God has really touched my heart lately about how many children we could make an impact on even if they are only in our home a short time. Wherever He leads I will go.
Hi- I was blog surfing and landed here! Z's story is so much more common than I would ever have believed years ago. Now I am mom to a little girl from a disrupted Ukrainian adoption and guardian to another young lady whose parents just gave up. It is soul crushing to these kids.
Anyway, have a great one!
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