Spring Fever

School and activities are winding down. Hallelujah! Every week seems to bring a ceremony or program of some sort. Let me reiterate that we will be doing ONE activity outside of church next year. The big girls did way, way, way too much. You live and you learn. There were several times, especially here toward the end of the year when one or both girls would express a desire to be home as a family rather than going to whatever activity was going on. That was a big wake up call for me that just because you can afford your children to do whatever activities they request doesn't necessarily mean that it's the best thing for them. Again people, I'm a late bloomer but my kids are helping me learn:)

This girl


has grown up so much this year. Physically she is, to me, almost unrecognizable when compared to the child who walked through our door 2 1/2 years ago. And with her maturity in looks has also come a maturity in mind. She's thinking more abstractly this year and recently has had a lot of thoughts and questions about adoption. I'll admit this has been very difficult for me for many reasons. One being that I want to be honest with her within the realm of what is age appropriate. This can be a struggle. So many questions that it's hard for me to answer. Absentee fathers, children born out of wedlock, a brother unaccounted for...how do you answer these questions? This isn't second grade information we're talking about but the questions remain. I want to answer her honestly so that she feels comfortable ALWAYS to ask and talk about her birth family but also so that she doesn't have a romanticized idea of what it was because the untruth in that would be to her detriment.
The second reason these conversations are difficult (and this sounds selfish but I know other adoptive parents understand) is because I have emotions wrapped up in this too. Ugly emotions, namely jealousy. I don't want the past to matter. In a sense, I wish we could pretend like she was always mine/ours. I know that would not be healthy and that will never be our angle but it is what it is. It just pains my heart for her to be confused and sad over a situation that she cannot understand or control. These moments are very few and far between but they do come up. So, we talk when needed. I show her a picture when it bothers her that she has forgotten and I do my very best in the in between to let her know that she is loved and just as much a part of this family as anyone else.

And as for this one


heaven help, this one keeps us on our toes but you all know that already. She continues to excel academically. She's reading The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe right now. In first grade! This blows my mind.
Despite her intelligence, the school year has been a roller coaster. Not that this is anything new. She has a teacher that adores her and this is such a lucky thing for both Lizzie and for the sanity of Jonathan and myself.
We're working on organization, impulsiveness, focus, and peer relationships. We met with a wonderful counselor at APAC mid-year and look forward to working with her over the summer. I cannot say enough wonderful things about this counselor as she helped us understand that Little Girl's behaviors are typical for a child who's life experience is what LG's has been. She listened to our concerns and frustrations and affirmed what we are trying to achieve as parents. We talked about reactive attachment and about how crucial a child's first five years are. The first four of those for Lizzie were spent bouncing around from one place to another. We talked about how all this comes in to play and how as Lizzie's parents it is our job to discipline and correct her (this is obvious I know but sometimes when you spend days on end disciplining and correcting you start to question) while also helping her heal.
God is always merciful though. We go through stretches, as we are right now, when little girl does GREAT! Her teacher has recently sent multiple emails about how WONDERFUL she is doing, how much she has matured this nine weeks and it feels like we are on the right track. These times are so glorious! My happiness as a parent stems from my children's happiness and to see sweet Lizzie smiling when I pick her up and to know she's had another good day is so rewarding! If we can just keep it going!

This is L-O-N-G and if you made it this far I am impressed. I haven't talked about adoption stuff in awhile and I don't want to give the pretense that this "stuff" doesn't come up. It does. So there it is: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I wouldn't have it any other way:)