1.20.2011

Greetings!

Hello friends and Happy New Year! We are alive and well despite our absence. We made it through the holidays though they went by WAY too fast. I would be a terrible momma if I didn't show a few pictures so here ya go...

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Kissing cousins! Lilah and Caroline get some love in at GG and GrandB's.

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My big girls who are growing up to be very musical and artsy! They got their wish of ears being pierced (Sam) and Nintendo DS (Liz) and all is right in the world!

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I did not get the Sony bloggie but instead took a giant leap from the cheapest cell phone available into the world of the smart phone. Now I wonder how in the world I survived without this thing. Phone, camera, video recorder, internet access, phone book, dictionary, facebook, text messaging, you name it (!) all in one device. Hello convenience! I don't think I will ever be without my cell phone again. Those of you who know me well know that this is a huge statement for me!

So it's a new year, and certainly a new start this time around. I've been away, yes. I've been readjusting, thinking, trying to wrap my brain around where we are and where it is we are going. It's usually all about the girls around here. If you don't mind maybe this time it will just be about....well, me.

In this time of unexpected change there has been much confusion in my mind. I've needed a map...surely enough people have been here that one has been created, no? But no, there is no set direction. No one to tell me for sure what is the right or the wrong thing to do. So I have wandered. Really I still do. Two constants have been my family and my faith. My mom in particular has spent HOURS on the phone with me. Time for which I am forever in debt to her because it has been invaluable. And then there is Church of the Highlands...wow what a Godsend. I really can't say enough about how week after week I am renewed in this place. And really this is all that matters. God is good, all the time.

It's hard to look at my big girls and then think on where our family is now and see how that fits in to God's plan...but I trust and have faith that His plans are larger than my own understanding. I have to believe that. I have to. This is a tough one, I'll be honest, but we are surviving. I can honestly say we are HAPPY even! It's a process. It is a time of self-reflection and on-your-knees type of praying...but we're making it through.

There have been some very positive changes in my life. One such change has been an investment in people. It's amazing how there have been certain people in my life for YEARS that I have never taken the opportunity to really know. Situations have arisen where some of these people have shared stories of their life with me and I have been blown away by the experiences that have changed and enriched them, and thus me by listening to the wisdom they've gleaned from their trials. One of my favorite moments like this was with our babysitter. After sharing so much about her life's journey she told me: When you get through all of this stuff you are going to have an incredible testimony that will bless so many people who are going through the same thing. Before you can have a TESTimony, though, you have to go through the test. THIS is your test.
Wow. Yes, absolutely. This is certainly a test I want to pass and it was wonderful to gain this perspective...to be able to see that even life's biggest challenge can be turned around for God's glory and someone else's gain {eventually}.

The hardest for me has been being at a starting over point as a 30-year-old mom of three. I've thrived as a wife and mom. I've wanted nothing but that. Now that half of that is missing...I don't know...there has been such a question mark. What do I do? What do I want? Does it even matter what I want? The correct answer is: no, it should not. Yet I am human and my mind, heart and soul seek. I don't know what to say beyond this. This is where we are. This is where I am. This is what is real. As before, I hesitate to publish because maybe it's too much exposure but at the same time...what else is there to say?

12 comments:

Kelly said...

Still praying for you and your sweet girls!

Jess said...

I've followed your blog for a while before adopted the girls. I'm praying for your family. The test God places before you is what will draw you closer to Him.

Praying for your sweet family.

Courtney and Brad said...

You are constantly in my prayers...

Ashley Turnbull said...

Jessica, I am so sorry about all this - you come to mind often, and I do pray for you. I pray that the Lord would work in your life and be near to you guys in this time of need. It sounds like you are focusing on a heavenly perspective - so thankful the Lord has allowed you to do that!!! Can't wait to see what He continues to do w/ you all!!!!

Penelope said...

You have such a beautiful family! God has a bigger plan for y'all. My infertility gave me 2 boys that I would have never known. And now I'm their mother! Wow!

gayle said...

Jess, I know you better than anyone else on this earth and I know that this is the last place that you ever expected or wanted to be. You and the girls are so undeserving of the hand that you have been dealt but I am so proud of your strength and faith and mostly for the mother that you are. The girls are where they were meant to be and will be a daily witness to your love of the Lord and your love for them. I pray that they will become women who are just like their mom.Love you all!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. Thank you for being vulnerable and for letting others see you working through the hard stuff. Praying for you and your sweet family!

Kimberly said...

ahhh Jessica I think and pray for you all the time. I'm so glad you found a church that is feeding you well! You are an inspiration to many.

Jaime said...

I love you and those PRECIOUS girls! Keep being strong...I know God has great things ahead for you!

Anonymous said...

Oh Jessica. My family and I have been keeping up with your blog for several years now. You and your girls have been more of an inspiration to us more that you will ever know. Please know that you and your girls are in our prayers! I do not know any details of what is going on in your life right now, but I can see that you are in fact going through a TEST! I wish that I knew the details, NOT to be nosy, but to know your needs to bring them to God in prayer. But I know that the Lord knows your heart and your needs and he will take care of all that you need. Thank you for this blog..and for being real. You have NO idea how much of a blessing you are to so many because of it. You HAVE BEEN and ARE inspiring so many others because of your honesty. May God bless you and wrap you and your girls in his safe and loving arms.

The Drewery's said...

I love you Jess and am constantly in aww of your strength. I brag about you all the time and am so proud to be your friend from way back:) Call me soon!

Kelly said...

Happy Mother's Day. Hope you have a wonderful day.