Greetings!

Hello friends and Happy New Year! We are alive and well despite our absence. We made it through the holidays though they went by WAY too fast. I would be a terrible momma if I didn't show a few pictures so here ya go...


Kissing cousins! Lilah and Caroline get some love in at GG and GrandB's.



My big girls who are growing up to be very musical and artsy! They got their wish of ears being pierced (Sam) and Nintendo DS (Liz) and all is right in the world!



I did not get the Sony bloggie but instead took a giant leap from the cheapest cell phone available into the world of the smart phone. Now I wonder how in the world I survived without this thing. Phone, camera, video recorder, internet access, phone book, dictionary, facebook, text messaging, you name it (!) all in one device. Hello convenience! I don't think I will ever be without my cell phone again. Those of you who know me well know that this is a huge statement for me!

So it's a new year, and certainly a new start this time around. I've been away, yes. I've been readjusting, thinking, trying to wrap my brain around where we are and where it is we are going. It's usually all about the girls around here. If you don't mind maybe this time it will just be about....well, me.

In this time of unexpected change there has been much confusion in my mind. I've needed a map...surely enough people have been here that one has been created, no? But no, there is no set direction. No one to tell me for sure what is the right or the wrong thing to do. So I have wandered. Really I still do. Two constants have been my family and my faith. My mom in particular has spent HOURS on the phone with me. Time for which I am forever in debt to her because it has been invaluable. And then there is Church of the Highlands...wow what a Godsend. I really can't say enough about how week after week I am renewed in this place. And really this is all that matters. God is good, all the time.

It's hard to look at my big girls and then think on where our family is now and see how that fits in to God's plan...but I trust and have faith that His plans are larger than my own understanding. I have to believe that. I have to. This is a tough one, I'll be honest, but we are surviving. I can honestly say we are HAPPY even! It's a process. It is a time of self-reflection and on-your-knees type of praying...but we're making it through.

There have been some very positive changes in my life. One such change has been an investment in people. It's amazing how there have been certain people in my life for YEARS that I have never taken the opportunity to really know. Situations have arisen where some of these people have shared stories of their life with me and I have been blown away by the experiences that have changed and enriched them, and thus me by listening to the wisdom they've gleaned from their trials. One of my favorite moments like this was with our babysitter. After sharing so much about her life's journey she told me: When you get through all of this stuff you are going to have an incredible testimony that will bless so many people who are going through the same thing. Before you can have a TESTimony, though, you have to go through the test. THIS is your test.
Wow. Yes, absolutely. This is certainly a test I want to pass and it was wonderful to gain this perspective...to be able to see that even life's biggest challenge can be turned around for God's glory and someone else's gain {eventually}.

The hardest for me has been being at a starting over point as a 30-year-old mom of three. I've thrived as a wife and mom. I've wanted nothing but that. Now that half of that is missing...I don't know...there has been such a question mark. What do I do? What do I want? Does it even matter what I want? The correct answer is: no, it should not. Yet I am human and my mind, heart and soul seek. I don't know what to say beyond this. This is where we are. This is where I am. This is what is real. As before, I hesitate to publish because maybe it's too much exposure but at the same time...what else is there to say?